[AGTRT-BA22] Sexuality and gender will be radically reshaped in the near future, and monogamy will no longer be the ideal

Laurens Buijs
Amsterdam Gender Theory Research Team

Humanity is on the eve of the greatest cultural transformation that has ever taken place on earth: in the next 10 to 15 years, high-tech patriarchy will give way to high-tech matriarchy (see also AGTRT-BA19). How will the relationship between husband and wife change with the advent of this new way of living together? How will our romantic and sexual relationships transform? Does the monogamous nuclear family actually have a future, or will people in matriarchal societies all have open and free sexual relationships? And what does that mean for our children?

Read more about the advent of high-tech matriarchy:
For the transition to high-tech matriarchy to succeed, a group of pathfinders must rise now

I will answer these questions at length in my forthcoming public book, Androgynous Humanity (see also AGTRT-BA20). To this end, I have studied the mating systems, parenting systems and social structures of a variety of animals that organize themselves matriarchally or rather patriarchally, such as chimps, gorillas, bonobos, elephants, horses, dolphins, orcas, bees and humans. The variety that is possible just by rearranging sex and gender is overwhelming. What a great role sexuality can play in tempering aggression and creating harmony. And what unprecedented potential femininity has in creating coordination, harmony and cooperation among group members, even among the most hawkish predators.

The moment people will fundamentally change gender relations, society as a whole will change. This is because gender relations are at the roots of coexistence and are the basic building blocks of any civilization. How masculinity, femininity and sexuality are arranged determines how the rest of society is arranged and develops.

Currently, humans live in a patriarchal culture, in which masculinity and femininity are hierarchically ordered (see AGTRT-BA9). At the heart of patriarchy is the traditional nuclear normative nuclear family, based on the father/mother/child triangle. In matriarchal societies, there is no strict and closed family triangle. Instead, broader familial and community ties are central, and raising children is more of a collective responsibility.

With the advent of patriarchy some 12,800 years ago, the ideal of monogamy also became increasingly prevalent (see AGTRT-BA3, AGTRT-BA4 and AGTRT-BA5). Monogamous relationships as we know them today are based on dependence between the two partners (codependency) and on gender hierarchy: masculinity is above femininity. This form of monogamy is heteronormative, even if LGBT people enter into such a relationship.

Read more about how patriarchy turned gender relations upside down:
Why I think research on androgyny is so necessary, and what that research agenda will look like

Thus, the heteronormative nuclear family with monogamy as its ideal is a central part of the patriarchy that increasingly took shape starting 12,800 years ago, since the Neolithic revolution. This way of organizing sexuality and gender can be seen as oppressive because femininity is seen as inferior and the dependency relationships that result from it constrain human autonomy (see also AGTRT-BA13).

Monogamy, however, is not necessarily patriarchal. Monogamy is also possible without patriarchal oppression, and so it can also join the transition to the new matriarchal society that is coming. If so, monogamous relationships must be shaped very differently than they are now. It requires the two partners to become more autonomous of each other. Conversely, polygamy offers no guarantee of escape from patriarchal repression. Indeed, polygamous relationships as we know them today are almost always equally patriarchal in nature, and based on psychological and other forms of dependency.

It is true, however, that in matriarchy there is no need for monogamy, because all kinds of unnecessary feelings of jealousy that we now suffer from no longer get in our way. And also because the scarcity from which patriarchy and monogamy arose no longer exists in matriarchy. Once patriarchy falls, many people will eventually naturally choose to abandon monogamy. People will begin to notice the benefits of free sexuality for their own personality development and for the communities of which they are a part (see also AGTRT-BA15).

Read more about the sexual revolution needed to make high-tech matriarchy a reality:
The transition to a better world calls for a new sexual revolution

Monogamous relationships will become increasingly redundant, but will not disappear completely. Monogamy will modernize and will continue to have advantages under certain circumstances. I do think monogamous relationships will disappear more and more. But even those who abandon monogamy will often still cling to the idea of one great romantic love, with whom exclusivity is entered into for living together and conceiving/raising children.

There will also be more diversity in forms of cohabitation and parenting systems. There will also be more small communities (tribe-like) where children are processed and raised by groups of adults in a variety of different compositions. There will be more choice and diversity in terms of cohabitation and parenting, and that will eventually be reflected in the laws and housing in many countries.

So much for the preview of my predictions about the future of sexuality, gender relations and monogamy. Are you curious about how sexuality, love and parenthood will change with the fall of patriarchy that is (let’s remain hopeful) imminent? Read about it in my forthcoming book Androgynous Humanity (see AGTRT-BA20). More information on pre-ordering soon!


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