[AGTRT-BA26] Expressing anger is essential for mental health, provided that it is “feminine anger”

Laurens Buijs
Amsterdam Gender Theory Research Team

Androgyny-Based Gender Theory (ABGT) makes the assumption that humans are a matriarchal species that suddenly became patriarchal 12,800 years ago as a result of collective trauma caused by a major comet impact (see also AGTRT-BA3, AGTRT-BA4, AGTRT-BA9). Patriarchy and matriarchy are defined in ABGT according to how masculine and feminine knowledge are arranged in secondary gender identity (SGI, see also AGTRT-BA24).

A patriarchal person puts masculine (cognitive-rational) knowledge above feminine (emotional-intuitive) knowledge. This vertical arrangement of masculinity and femininity in the psyche leads to inner conflict, and thus to all sorts of personality disorders. This can manifest itself in narcissism: those people then have poor access to their empathy and therefore become “headstrong” and manipulative. But this can also paradoxically manifest itself in a mirrored disorder, in which the empathic capacity becomes precisely so highly developed that one’s own ego becomes too weak. We see this, for example, in people with no backbone and who suffer from self-sacrifice.

Read more about the role of masculine and feminine knowledge in the secundary gender identity (SGI):
The secondary gender identity determines the androgynous personality structure

A matriarchal person has masculine and feminine knowledge in balance: there is room for emotion and intuition as well as cognition and reason, and these different forms of knowledge are arranged horizontally in the SGI so that they do not conflict with each other, but rather complement each other. At that point, man develops all kinds of mystical androgynous personality traits. You could think of that as “super powers” that balance human beings, such as self-insight, self-reflection, self-control, moderation, restraint, and so on. In other words, these are the virtues that, according to just about every ethic in the world, lead to a good, healthy and happy life.

ABGT thus argues that the SGI has two modes: patriarchal and matriarchal. Right now, all people are in the patriarchal mode to a greater or lesser extent. To enter the matriarchal mode, a person must do shadow work (see AGTRT-BA7). Shadow work restores the balance between masculinity and femininity in the psyche, and in this, anger plays an important role.

Patriarchal socialization of the SGI affects our personal relationships as follows:

• Every patriarchal social relationship is characterized by power inequality. So this is the case family relationships, friendships, collegial relationships, love relationships, as well as our relationship with public figures, politicians, etc.
• We are usually unaware of this power imbalance: we tell ourselves that we are in equal relationships. However, this is a false image.
• In a patriarchal relationship, one has the masculine (dominant) role, and the other has the feminine (submissive) role. This is basically independent of sex: so men can take on a feminine role, and women can take on a masculine role.
• We can’t “figure out” or “analyze” exactly how power inequality works in patriarchal relationships, we can only feel/experience that by evoking our unconscious anger.
• Everyone who is in a feminine role in a patriarchal relationship has unconscious and pent-up anger about it that we often cannot feel properly because we have been taught from an early age that it is “bad” or “disobedient” to be angry (that is the patriarchal upbringing). This suppressed anger is called feminine anger in ABGT.
• Feminine anger, at its core, assumes respect for the other, because it contains a confrontation that the person in the masculine role can benefit from, and expresses a desire for equal togetherness, even if, of course, the anger always comes across as “harsh” in tone, style and emotion.
• Feeling and expressing feminine anger is the only way to heal the patriarchal relationship from inequality, and to eventually transform it into a matriarchal relationship.
• This transforming of relationships from patriarchal to matriarchal takes time, and will always involve a time of separation, because the one in the male role is not used to contradiction and shoots into ego-defense.
• That ego defense consists of the fact that the person in the masculine role will do anything to make the anger of the person in the female role the problem, rather than what that person in the feminine role is addressing (i.e., injustice/inequality).
• This ego-defense of the person in the masculine role can also be seen as a form of anger that is more aggressive and manipulative in nature (because it is aimed at avoiding confrontation that is necessary for equal social contact), and is called masculine anger in ABGT.
• Masculine anger is a form of gaslighting: this is a form of psychological manipulation in which the world is turned upside down, and in which the person who rebels against injustice with justified feminine anger is made to feel guilty, for example by making a problem of their tone, emotions, style, language, etc. This is a way to divert attention from what the person experiences feminine anger about, namely injustice and inequality. This is a form of narcissistic abuse that turns the victim into a perpetrator, and can have far-reaching harmful consequences for the victim.
• Gaslighting is so effective because it is a form of aggression that is often packaged in the form of good intentions. For example, the gaslighter may express concerns about the mental health of someone who expresses feminine anger, thereby packaging the aggression as apparent concern (“care taking”). The person who shows feminine anger can even be talked into a psychiatric condition with this kind of paternalism, while that person does nothing other than show normal, healthy and proportionate anger that is necessary to create a more just world.

So anger is a crucial emotion to express, and to get the SGI from patriarchal to matriarchal mode. In many Western cultures, anger is increasingly taboo, and under the pressure of norms of virtue and decency, is by definition seen as bad and socially unsafe. In doing so, the distinction between masculine and feminine anger is never made, even though it is precisely this power analysis that is critical to determining which form of anger is appropriate, and which is not.